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Hurricanes survive in Sydney
Hurricanes survive in Sydney
(Hurricanes Take the Win, But Need a Good Spanking)
30 Apr 2000
A huge crowd of 32,000 had come out to support the Hurricanes at the Sydney Football Stadium last night. O'Halloran was out (still managing to look a bit scruffy in a suit on the sidelines) and Umaga would be playing at centre instead.

The match got off to a flyer, and Jonah Lomu, in an unfortunate example of over-compensation for his lack of defensive ability, attempted to murder his opponent Nathan Gray with a spear tackle. Although Gray milked it for all it was worth (there was no actual injury), the tackle was definitely dangerous and Lomu was quite rightly put in the bin.

Hopefully someone will eventually explain to the big lug the fine art of "tackling effectively without attempting homicide".

In any case, the score quickly became 3-0 to the Wallytahs. Any other team would have capitalised on their opposition being a man down. However the Worrytahs began to demonstrate that they could match the Hurricanes complete lack of discipline, with sheer bloody-minded stupidity. It quickly became 6-3 to the visitors.

Even the wanky Australian commentary team, including Chris "cripes, get your hand off it" Handy were dumbfounded. And these guys are pretty dumb.

As Lomu came back on, the Hurricanes became more dominant. Brad Fleming, acting on the wing in Umaga's place, scored a brilliant intercept try to increase the lead. Only minutes later, Umaga almost scored himself, after receiving a forward pass (duh.), a mistake which may well cost them a place in the semis.

The insurgency continued, with two tries to halfback Jason Spice. But then something snapped. Welbourne (one of the idiot Wombletah forwards) was sin-binned for over-vigourous rucking. Rather than capitalise on this advantage, ill-discipline let the visitors down again.

The occasionally brilliant doofus from Otara deliberately knocked the ball forward mid-pass, as the Warratahs were about to score in the corner. It was a professional foul, and Jonah was lucky not to concede a penalty try. In any case Lomu was out for the rest of the game after receiving a second yellow card. Fecking moron.

Burke was over the line for the home team shortly after and after 49 minutes (???) the half was finally over. 27-10 to the Hurricanes.

Shortly into the second half, Norm Hewitt was sin-binned (still don't know why), and Wonkytah winger Staniforth bludgeoned his way through to score under the posts. The Hurricanes really needed an extra try, but poor discipline continued to let them down.

Fortunately they would not lose this match, as each member of the home side had apparently been systematically lobotomised prior to kickoff (a fact conceded by commentator Chris Handjob). TiaTia would be sin-binned for another Hurricane indiscretion, but the final score remained 27-20 to the 'Canes.

Against a side with less congenital idiots, they would have lost. Badly. We'll take the win and hope the discipline gets sorted out before the campaign begins in Africa. Honestly, you would think they were French or something...

by

Let us know what you think!

If a spanking is the kind of discipline that the Canes require then so be it but I don't want to see coaches Mourie & Williams in tight leather thanks very much...
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