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Crusaders vs Highlanders : the screen play
Crusaders vs Highlanders : the screen play
(An epic tale of passion, intrigue, rugby and.. cricket?!)
27 Feb 2002

Its Super 12 night, the South Island Derby at Jade Stadium, Crusaders vs Highlanders.

AT is at the game with fellow Crusaders supporters NickP, Mikey and Pete. With him, supporting the Highlanders are Sir Drinkalot, Mrs Drinkalot and NickS. Supporting the English football team is Guy.

Meanwhile at Cone Stadium, Jules has pulled a sicky on actually attending the game (due to the unbelievably voluminous mass of snot that had infested his respiratory system) and gave his ticket to Pete. Even so he has still managed to round up someone to watch the game with in Jono, Susan, and their ex-pat kiwi mates, Dave and Donna.

Poor old DH is at home with a bung leg and no SKY, he's watching the Black Caps lose a game of cricket to the English.

At the game: A. Mehrtens kicks off....
Sir Drinkalot
C'Mon Otago!! Anton, you're my heeewo!!
AT
Hey.... What the hell!??! Why are you supporting Otago?
Guy
*whispers to AT* Remember Mrs Drinkalot is from Oamaru....
AT
Aaah. Say no more.
Guy
Why are they playing with a funny shaped ball? There's too many blokes on the park! Where the bloody hell is the goalie?
NickP
Bloody Poms...
Meanwhile at Cone Stadium
Dave& Donna
OTAAAAGOOOO!!!
Jules
WTF!?! I didn't know you guys were going to support Otago!!!
Jono
Yeah sorry about that, they will support Otago but really they just had to see some real rugby, living in the UK will do that to you! Don't worry though, Susan and I are supporting the boys, we have them out-numbered!
...and at DH's place
DH
*BURP* Oh come on Astle, that was pitiful!! You didn't play crap shots like that when I used to bowl to you!!
T. Brown slots a penalty. 3-0 Highlanders
Dave& Donna
OTAAAAGOOOO!!!
Jules
*shakes his head*
DH
Oh great shot McCullum, you are a winner...NOT!!
Mikey
That Tony Brown sure is a lucky kicker... Freak gust of wind and over it goes.
A. Mehrtens slots a penalty. 3-3
Pete
What a kick from Mehrts!. All skill. He's easily the best first five in the universe.
Sir Drinkalot
*drinks some beer*
J. Maddock dots down for a splendid try, which Mehrts fails to convert. 8-3 Crusaders
Dave
Where the hell was the Otago fullback on defence!?! In fact, WHO the hell is the Otago fullback?!!
Jules
(looking far happier) That's Willie Walker, he was a standout player for Nth Harbour in the NPC, although he played first five for them.
Dave
Well he's bloody hopeless, why can't Jeff play fullback? That's his best position after all.
DH
Oh God! Not you too Flems!?! What a pack of losers...
NickS
Damn, bugger, blast...
Guy
Fabulous goal! Woohoo! Right into the old onion bag!
Willie Walker scores a fortuitous try after Steinmetz trips and falls past the Crusaders defenders,
Brown Converts. 10-8 Highlanders
Dave
What great support play from the Otago fullback! He's a great find! What was his name again?
Donna
Willy Wonka... or Willy Winkie... something like that anyway. I like Willy Wonka!
AT
Damn, bugger, blast...
NickP
Hmmm. Very opportunistic. I bet Wellington are pleased they got rid of Steinmetz.
Mrs Drinkalot
Otaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaago!
A. Mehrtens slots a penalty, scores and converts a try and then rubs it in with two more penalties before the half.
24-10 Crusaders
at halftime
AT
Aaah. Marvellous. It's all over.
Pete
Yep. Might as well head home. All over. Easy win.
Jules
Ah, looks pretty comfortable now eh? I'm so glad you guys came around to watch this with me, especially Dave and Donna.
DH
Craig McMillan you $#%@ loser!!!!!
Second Half: Brown kicks off
Susan
Ok, lets see if our lads can pick up a couple more tries and get the bonus point
Otago hot on attack get a penalty and Tony Brown calmly slots it over, looking resplendent in his fancy gloves.
24-13 Crusaders
Dave& Donna
OTAAAAGOOOO!!!
Man of the hour Willy Wonka puts a great kick through for Wilson to run onto, and he scores in the corner after a lucky slip puts him in front of MacDonald. Brown adds the extras. 24-20 Crusaders
Dave& Donna
OTAAAAGOOOO!!!
Jono
*sigh* I wonder how the cricket's going?
DH
And Vincent too!! Man, these guys are making these Poms look good again!?! ARRRGH!!
Brown slots another penalty and it's a one point ball game. 24-23 Crusaders
Dave& Donna
OTAAAAGOOOO!!!
Guy
I think its going to come down to a penalty shootout chaps.
Pete
Ah well, I guess giving them a chance isn't a bad thing......
Mikey
There's only one thing for it. They're going to have to smash Tony Brown.
Dave Hewitt offers Tony Brown a seasons pass to Disneyland
DH
Ah, but now we are right, Cairns and Harris at the crease. The Canterbury lads will lead us home...
Donna
That was a shoulder charge from that big ugly Crusader on our beloved Tony!! Send that guy to the bin!
Jules
Oh no it wasn't! It just caught him by surprise...
NickS
Awww. No fair. Why do they keep breaking Tony?
Tony Brown gets up and shakes it off. He's a bit wobbly but when the trainer suggests he comes of Tony almost punches him out. The trainer decides to leave him on...
Dave
Ah, Tony's so tough eh? He'll be right.
Ryan Nicholas scores a great try on Super 12 debut. After which point Tony Brown goes off injured.
Dave
oh god. Now who is going to take the conversion??
Jules
Your man Willy I suspect. He was a great kicker for Nth Harbour in the NPC...
Willy Walker misses the conversion. 28-24 Highlanders
Dave & Donna
*glare at Jules*
Jules
come on, you are still winning!!
Sir Drinkalot
*drinks some beer*
The Otago boys are caught being naughty, and A. Mehrtens kicks a penalty. 28-27 Highlanders
DH
That's a HUUUGE six from Cairns!! Take that you Pommy buggers!!!
DH
and another one!!! Woo Hoo!!!
DH
and anoth... oh shit, he's caught.... Never mind we still have my favourite Aucklander, Andre Adams
Jono
I know we are down on the score board but I feel pretty confident that the inevitable penalty will come, the boys have just been in this situation so often.
Jules
You are so right Jono.
Susan
you guys are full of it!
Dave& Donna
OTAAAAGOOOO!!!
Otago get pinged again, Mehrts has a crack at a droppy during the advantage but misses. He slots the resulting penalty goal and the Crusaders take the lead. 30-28 Crusaders
Jules & Jono
* smug grins *
Dave & Donna
* dejection *
DH
We have chance here as long as Andre gets some support from Harry...oops, or maybe Vetori....crap, surely Tuffey can hang around....bugger.... AARRGHH!!!!!
The hooter sounds as Otago are hot on attack in the Canterbury half, the next stoppage will be the last but they are maintaining possession well and looking to force a penalty from the Crusaders defence. Well everyone by Romi Ropati is, who decides he sees a gap behind the Crusaders defensive line and attempts a chip kick... which Macdonald happily catches and runs into touch!
AT
I love it when that happens.
Guy
Now if we can just beat Germany....
Mrs Drinkalot
I hate it when that happens.
NickP
Punches Mikey
Mikey
Please stop that.
NickS
Magnificent effort by Otago! A bonus point in an away game. *walk off singing 'Always look on the bright side...'*
Dave & Donna
Oh well, it was a marvellous game, so much more entertaining than the crap rugby they play in the UK!
Jules
true enough, and given that England just won the cricket you are probably pretty glad you aren't over there to cop the flack for that!
DH
* quickly logs on to the net to check the rugby result, smiles, and sits back to watch the TV 3 coverage of the game *

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