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Book of the Bokke - Chapter 5
Book of the Bokke - Chapter 5
(the Song of Solomon)
10 Nov 1999
[RANT]
1. Thus sang Solomon the Wise, for he was the assistant leader of the army of the Bokke.
2. "I see a fair warrrior and (funny coincidence)he is from next door where I live. And his legs are like iron and his breasts are huge deltoids. Come, oh come to me you son of Provincialis, with your hands like magnets. Oh you are fairer than all the men of Bokkeland."
3. "Oh men of Bokkeland, thou hast among you one who runs like an impala, is strong as the buffalo and his lips are for pin-ups. Yea, when I see him I swoon, and my heart beats faster and I do lose my judgement."
4. "His loins are like tree trunks and he scoreth some few  tries about 2 seasons ago, running like the wind before him and the Zeelanders did swoon. For he is fair and comely, oh ye men of Bokkeland."
5. Then spake some Bokkes among themselves, "Verily Solomon is losing his judgement for we know of whom he speaks. His love is called " The Skinsite" and he is from Provincialis just like Solomon the Wise. And he is a Bobbite and the women of Bokkeland they do wet themselves for him, but he cannot fight in our army at the place of the Man of Eight. For he is not strong nor experienced."
6. Now Solomon was joined by his general-in-chief of the army of the Bokke, who is called Nick the Mallet, and they astounded the multitudes as they both did sing in a song, and the song is called "Duet".
7. "Oh, his eyes are like telescopes and his back like an elephant. He is witty and clever and his voice is like sweet rivers, his calves are like sinews that cover the rhino, his speed is more than that of the cheetah and we love him, we crave him oh! men of the Bokke, we beseech you, bring us this son of the Capeland. For if we have him not we shall never win the Cup of the World but with him all things may pass."
8. But it came to pass that when the army of the Bokke did meet in battle with the Pommestines and Caledonians and the frightful Ozzerians, none of them did love The Skinstite as they so loved him. And in the battles, the people of Bokkeland saw him not. And they spake among themselves and asked "Who is this Skinstite, that Solomons and Nick the Mallet they do love him so? Oh these generals have been foolish and proud, for they should have loved more mature men, like Gary the Teacherman or Andre, who they call "Boss". For verily we have been fighting one man short in this huge battle.For no battles are won without a Man of Eight."
9. But the generals of the Bokke were proud and defiant. "Oh, do ye men of Bokkeland not see that ye are mistaken and foolish? For his head is like the lion, he springs like a kudu and his biceps are granite like that which litters the Platteland. His stomach is like armour, his speed like the mamba, oh, without him we are lost ye sons of the Bokke. For he is worshipped by the tribe of the Papperazites and all of the Medians they also do crave him."
10. And then the people of Bokkeland did become tumultous and angry. And they did shout and curse their generals, for they had paid them huge monies  of gold and of silver, yet they were defeated. And they said unto Nick the Mallet and Solomon the Wise, "Did ye not notice that now the Skinstite is laid low, that we slew the Zeelanders and yea, for once it was because we did not have the Skinstite, but a proper Man of Eight?"
11. And their generals said, "We hear you not. We are most perfect. For our contracts do runneth, like the rivers of the Low Veldt, for ever and ever and at least to 2002. And as for the Clause of Performance, thanks to Solomons the Wise who is also a lawyer, we have it not."
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Apparently "Skinstite" is another name given to the new Adidas All black uniforms... And they didn't work either!
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