Gidday. How ya going mate? That's the bloody story.
I tell you what, she's been bloody flat out down on the farm the last coupla weeks and I've had bugger all time to sit in front of the flamin' PC. Course I had to make time for watching the Lions games down at the Pub too. Gotta get the bloody priorities right eh!
Speaking of the bloody Lions, they haven't done too bad for a pack of cheatin' bloody Northerners. Speakin' of cheatin'... That Sir Clive Woodward is as shifty as the gearbox on me old John Deere tractor and I bloody swear he's had a lip transplant from a flamin' trout. He's right bloody dodgy. I reckon his word's probably worth about as much as pocketful of belly wool off a fat short legged ewe.
Cripes and Holy bloody you know flamin' what... I was listening to that Lions scrum packing down on the box down at the pub. Gary's cuzzy from a few k's down South was tellin' me that they crank up the pushing power as they count. 1...2...3...4... Bloody hell... Reckon it's just as flamin' well those giant red buggers in their front row can only count to four or we could be totally bloody destroyed come scrum time!
I don't know about you fella's, but I was bloody disgusted at those Lions not getting off their arses and visiting the kiddies at the schools and hospitals down South. Pack of flamin' bastards. I tell you what, the next campervan of Lions supporters that gets bogged in the mud outside the pub won't be gettin' a tow out from any of us. Sorry lads.
Can't say I really like that fancy-pants Jonny Wilkinson, but all the boys at the pub agree he'll be better to watch than that O'Gara fella and especially the whats'isname pommy fella who's so flamin' boring I can't remember what he's bloody called! Podgeson or something... You know the one: About as dynamic as me flamin' mother in law at half past eleven with a few glasses of sherry in her.
Now is it just me, or does one of those flamin' Lion's pretty-boy backs look like the love-child of a brushtail possum and a bloody prize rooster?! Resembles a right silly lookin' bastard if you ask me. But then, you probably didn't... Still... It's bloody ironic really, that the muppets were invented by a Henson, cos this Henson could easily be a flamin' muppet!
The whole Pub is looking forward to the Test on Saturday night. We're so bloody patriotic that even Old Ned has boycotted Lion Brown for the month. Hope the change doesn't flamin' kill him!
Well, all this talk 'bout beer and rugby has given me a bit of a bloody thirst. Also, I gotta go down to the boozer and get me score into the betting book for the weekend. Brushcutter Bill's pickin' a twenty point margin to the All Blacks. Bloody hell. Sounds like a shit load of points all of a sudden. Doesn't hurt to be a bloody optimist now and then though eh!